questionable NFL commentary

suggestive phrases used by NFL announcers:

- penetrating the red zone
- helmet to helmet contact
- receivers need to get their hands on some balls
- tight end
- look at Johnson on the replay

body bag

People always have to say something.


Sometimes it’s just to make polite conversation, other times it’s from awkward nervous anxiety.

Sometimes people are idiots.

You can’t bring a duffel bag full of workout clothes to work without someone saying, “Got a body in there?”


I look at them stone-faced. I appear to size them up from head to toe.



Then I say, “Not yet.”

Less Aggressive Rock Anthems

We Might Rock You - Queen

Rock & Roll Until About 8:00 pm Then Call It a Night - Kiss

We Are the Runners Up - Queen

I Love Top 40 Pop - Joan Jett

Rock You Like A Thunderstorm - Scorpions

Looks That Make One Lightly Uncomfortable - Motley Crue

Welcome To The Rainforest - Guns n Roses

You Nudged Me Throughout the Evening - AC/DC

emerging technology

So the kids each got netbooks from their Nana for Christmas this year. We all agreed that they were ready, more or less responsible, and would enjoy having their very own computers. At the very least, it would help ensure that our MacBooks did not suffer a disastrous fate in their little hands.

Make no mistake, I am a huge fan of Apple products and I have neither the time nor the patience for anything Windows. In my mind, Windows equates to work and toil. Apple products are like a friend, someone you look forward to hanging out with. But these netbooks were impossibly inexpensive compared to anything equivalent in the Apple world, so it made sense to suck it up and deal with Windows for the affordability.

Out of the box, these sleek little machines proved to be adversarial. We plugged them in, turned them on, and I was immediately filled with anxiety. All of the gyrations required with a new Windows machine nearly sent me to the bar for shots of anything containing alcohol. The amount of promotional, trial, and unnecessary software loaded on these things was simply overwhelming and actually caused some system drain even though they were brand new. Killing alerts, tool bars, and pop-ups became a game of whack-a-mole.

Eventually, I achieved a fair degree of success to the degree that the kids are now able to actually turn on the computers and not have to go find something to do in the time it takes for them to boot up. It all happens now with amazing proficiency somewhere within 20 minutes or so. Once booted though, they run great.

Perhaps against my better judgment, I decided to set them both up with Gmail accounts. I thought it would be fun for them to be able to receive email from us while at work, or send them photos of kitties, or race cars, or influential figures throughout history. I thought perhaps having their own email access would encourage them to start writing more and better understand how words go together to form sentences, and how sentences become thoughts. It would no doubt make them think they are cool.

Eagerly, I sent my son (age 6) an email from work one day. “Hey buddy! Have a great day!” I wrote, imagining how special he would feel receiving a note from his dad. I couldn’t wait to get home to show him how to pull up the note so he could read it.

I raced home that day, had him start up his computer, and showed him his Gmail inbox. He thought that was pretty cool. What was even cooler though, was when his sister (age 8) showed him how to reply. “Dad! I sent you a reply!” he shouted. “Oh, ok, buddy, I will see it when I get to work in the morning! Can’t wait!”

So I got to the office the next day, raced up the stairs and signed in. I pulled up my email to see what he wrote.

His reply? None other than the underlying timeless gold standard of male comedy.

It said simply, “poop”.

“The bad guys think the good guys are the bad guys.” –Holden Phillips, age 6.

environmental intentions

Dear Work;

First, I applaud your effort to (finally) implement an organized recycling program.
However, handing out printed materials to everyone in attendance at six separate meetings and distributing printed fliers in everyone’s mail bins (on top of emailing them as PDF attachments) sort of started out the program in a deficit.

And while I really like the new blue wastebasket with a recycle logo on it, I wonder what happened to my old large black wastebasket. Hoping it didn’t end up in a landfill.

Cheers,
Your employee

In praise of autumn

Fall is by far my favorite time of the year. It may sound cliche, but I love the changing colors, the crisp air, the way the light just seems different. I am warmed by traditions that arrive this time of year heralded by scents of roasting chiles, cider, beer, football games, and Oktoberfest.

But more than any of that sappy imagery, the best part about Fall is that there are fewer people flagging their ugly, gnarled toes in flip flops.